It's been tough to stay focused and impossible to keep myself from drifting back to the day Dex passed away. Its been four weeks... I can hardly believe it. I look at pictures of him and I trace the outline of his sweet face with my finger tips and try to remember what he felt like. I try to think of him outside of February 14th, but those memories are so strong that I struggle with seeing him any other way. I wish I could see him clearly in my head when he was lying on the bed by me or sitting in his baby chair. I wish I had taken more photos, I wish I had taken a video of him... There are many "I wish" moments in my life right now.... I look at those photos I have of him, both from before and the ones taken from the hospital and he looks like an angel to me. He looks so beautiful and peaceful... I want to kiss his face and feel him against my lips. I want to smell him again. I want to hear his little voice again. I want to see his amazing smile again.... I want to wake up and find that this is nothing but a really bad dream. I want a lot of things lately, things that most mothers can have anytime they want, but most of all I want my son back.
Today was bad... and tomorrow is a new day.
Sweet Dreams little man, I love you and miss you more than words could ever express! I send my love to you tonight on angels wings!