Monday, April 22, 2013

Getting in touch with grief...

This spring has been tough... work has been exhausting and the weather here has been terrible.  I haven't felt up to writing simply because I knew I wouldn't be able to positive.  When I was new in my grief, I didn't care if my posts were positive or negative because they were just what I was feeling... whether or not it provoked positive vibes from people was not something I cared about.  Just being able to write made me feel better... blogging was a relief I hadn't expected.  And now...  not a day goes by when I don't think to myself 'that thought would make a great post' but my "me" time has been seriously compromised this spring and I don't feel like I have the time or the energy to do what I love.... to do what helps me heal... cuz it would mainly be a big ol' b***h session... Often I hear that life is a balance of work and personal life/family time... which is true... but when you add grief into the mix you have a very delicate balancing act of finding time to "lean into" your grief and focus on healing, work and family.  I am lucky because often my family time and my healing time are one in the same, but still, after 14 months I still need my time to be alone in my thoughts, to embrace my grief and allow it to wash over me... as strange as that sounds I believe it to be important.  
Sometimes the purpose of a day is to merely feel our sadness, knowing that as we do, we allow whole layers of grief, like old skin cells to drop off us  ~ Marianne Williamson
I am struggling with finding that balance right now... I've got the balance of work and personal life down, but am wishing I had more time to focus on me and my healing. Where I can close my eyes and dream about what should have been... what was... and where I am going next.  I have learned that living in grief is truly a moment by moment journey... a day by day excursion through unbelievable pain, confusion and denial... but as time goes by it has been easy to push my sadness away and tell myself "I don't have time for this"... the lesson I am in the process of learning is that it will catch up with you... grief can't be ignored, it can't be denied and it wont be swept under the rug.... no amount of excuses can stand up to grief's need to be dealt with.  I started to realize this around the 1 year anniversary of his passing and I started going back to grief group and am so thankful I did.  I am surrounded by old friends who provide comfort just by giving you a glance that says "I understand" and new friends who I hold so dear to my heart! Grief... you stink.  Death... you suck! But I will not run from you... I will not let you destroy me.  I have to believe that God will give me the ability to grow from Declan's loss, to 'learn' from this tragedy and to come out on the other side of the valley of the shadow of death a stronger person... a person that loves more, laughs harder and appreciates this beautiful thing we call LIFE. 

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Taking a stand... and being heard

The Sudden Unexpected Death, Data Enhancement and Awareness Act

The Sudden Unexpected Death Enhancement and Awareness Act

Did you know that every year in the US...

  • More than 25,000 Stillbirths occur and half of them have no known cause?
  • More than 4,600 babies die of sudden unexpected infant death?
  • And 200 children, between the ages of 1 and 4 years, die without a specific cause ever found?
You can make a difference! Support this crucial legislation now!
"Serving as the most influential piece of SIDS/SUID/SUDC legislation to date, The Sudden Unexpected Death Data Enhancement and Awareness Act (S 314/HR 669) promises to promote unprecedented, positive change by improving death-scene data collection methods, establishing nationwide awareness and education plans, and expanding support services for families in need.  

Please help give answers to families and save the lives of future generations by contacting your Congressmen today! "

CJ Foundation for SIDS  This link has great resources to help you understand the bill and even provides you with a SUPER easy way to contact your legislators.  You just fill in your zip code and it determines who to send it to and it DOES IT FOR YOU!! 

I know it is easy to think that this will never happen to you... or to anyone you know, but my family is living proof that in the blink of an eye, your child can be gone.   We have meet so many wonderful families who are suffering the same fate as us and are left feeling helpless, lonely and wondering 'what the heck just happened?!'  Please take a moment to support families like mine and contact your legislation today! 

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

"Happiness is..." challenge. Week 3 & 4

Happiness is... watching Noah and his friends being silly and enjoying their time together! 

Happiness is...having an afternoon to relax and spend time with the family. 

Happiness is... celebrating 8 years of life with Noah! Happy Birthday big guy!

Happiness is... an evening out with the gang!  We love Patricks! :)

Happiness is... CoCo Beans 'fierce' face!  She is full of sass and spirit! 

Happiness is... FINALLY being able to put my feet up and relax! 

Happiness is... playing 'house' with Co Co! She loves her babies :) 

Happiness is... NEW friends! 

Happiness is... waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee prepared by my husband! 

Happiness is... listening to Pastor Dennis and Elmo on Palm Sunday! 

Happiness is... preparing for Easter and getting the kids excited about the Holiday. 

Happiness is... making 'resurrection rolls' with the family! 

Happiness is... making sugar cookie cut outs for Easter! 

Happiness is... watching Batman Courtlynn eat her cookies. 

Happiness is... Good Friday service at church.  Cried through the whole thing!  It was amazing! 

Happiness is... spending time with my cousins! 

Happiness is... my family!!