Sometimes the purpose of a day is to merely feel our sadness, knowing that as we do, we allow whole layers of grief, like old skin cells to drop off us ~ Marianne Williamson
I am struggling with finding that balance right now... I've got the balance of work and personal life down, but am wishing I had more time to focus on me and my healing. Where I can close my eyes and dream about what should have been... what was... and where I am going next. I have learned that living in grief is truly a moment by moment journey... a day by day excursion through unbelievable pain, confusion and denial... but as time goes by it has been easy to push my sadness away and tell myself "I don't have time for this"... the lesson I am in the process of learning is that it will catch up with you... grief can't be ignored, it can't be denied and it wont be swept under the rug.... no amount of excuses can stand up to grief's need to be dealt with. I started to realize this around the 1 year anniversary of his passing and I started going back to grief group and am so thankful I did. I am surrounded by old friends who provide comfort just by giving you a glance that says "I understand" and new friends who I hold so dear to my heart! Grief... you stink. Death... you suck! But I will not run from you... I will not let you destroy me. I have to believe that God will give me the ability to grow from Declan's loss, to 'learn' from this tragedy and to come out on the other side of the valley of the shadow of death a stronger person... a person that loves more, laughs harder and appreciates this beautiful thing we call LIFE.