Thursday, March 22, 2012

Little Dreams and God Hugs

This morning, Noah told me about his nightmare that he had last night... "We were all on a ship and the ship was sinking.  Declan and I had to run to the front of the boat because there was too much water in the back.  It was really scary.  But then I jumped into the water and swam under the boat and patched the hole and saved everyone."   It hit me that in Noah's dreams we are still in the midst of a tragedy, but he is able to save us all... he is trying to wrap his little mind around what is going on and he just wants everything to be the way it was! He wants to save the day, its just so sweet.  Then the other night Noah and I were lying in bed before he went to sleep and there was a lull in the conversation and he grabs my head, pulls it close and whispers in my ear, "Declan loves you" and then turns over and falls asleep.  What a little honey.  I don't know where he came up with that, but I'd like to think maybe it was another "God Hug" letting me know Declan is thinking of us.

Courtlynn has also been trying to wrap her head around the events of Declan's passing.  She often wants to be covered up with a blanket and then held like a baby, then she'll say "I'm Declan. I didn't die." and she will fake cry.  She also likes to give me her little baby dolls and say, "Heres Declan mom" or her other famous line is "It's ok mom, we will see Declan tomorrow."  She melts my heart. Last night she was on her 'phone' and I could hear her talking loudly so I went to listen to what she was saying.  The conversation went something like this, 'You give him back.  You bring our baby back. You can't take our baby, he's ours!'  Then she hung her head and walked up to me and said, 'they not give Declan back'.  Then we sat on the floor in the kitchen, cried together and talked about Declan and how much we both miss him.  Then she whispered really softly, "Declan in Heaven with Jesus."  Another God Hug!

The healing process has been tough, but the kids have been so resilient and strong.  Not a day goes by that I am not amazed at how well they are holding up!

I'm so thankful for the two of them... they bring me so much joy and happiness! 


  1. I think you are a great model for your children...letting them see you cry and remembering the good times with Declan too. So many emotions to work through!