"Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten." Sounds easy enough. Sounds like common sense. However, I am overwhelmed with anxiety at the prospect of getting together with family. Get togethers are painful reminders of what we have loss... Every celebration a remembrance of something we won't have with our son. It would be unfair to ask people to continue to grieve with us forever... it would be selfish of me to want someone to remember our pain amidst their joy... right?! But that is where I am at right now... summer is here and I need only glance at my calendar to see we are busy with birthdays, weddings, and reunions. I want to be excited, but there is one BIG problem...someone in my life is missing. My family will never be whole again...I will never be whole again. A gathering of family only seems to magnify the gaping absence of Delcan...because no where else are our children more celebrated, loved and looked upon with smiles and laughter... Grandparents and parents alike beam with pride as they watch the kids play... and everyone has a great time. Does having a great time mean people have forgot? If no one mentions Dex's name is that a sign they think we should move on? I don't want to steal other people's joy, but the place I am at in my journey is terrified of having people forget or having Dex left behind...even though I know he can never be with us again... I don't know where other people are at... I don't know where other people are thinking we should be in our grief, maybe I'm way off base and everything will be fine... but I am nervous and I don't want to be... I need to do what I need to do for myself to stay healthy...and I need to have faith that everything will be ok... this too shall pass.