Monday, May 7, 2012

Tears, Tributes and Butterflies

My Little Butterfly

Releasing our butterfly!
Today a little butterfly flew by me.  I thought to myself, 'where have you been lithe guy? You came into this world as a cocoon, all by yourself and blossom intone this beautiful butterfly and fly off to see the world. What you don't realize little butterfly, as you flutter through your days, is how you touch those around you in your soft gentle way. You don't realize the wonder and awe you create around you.' He fluttered his wings towards me as if he was waving good-bye as he headed towards the horizon.  He looked very happy and content as we went on his way, as if to say to me, "don't worry, I will be ok." I was sad to see him go, for he had touched my heart in such a way that knew life would never be the same.  He had left an imprint on all the beauty life has to offer.  I knew each time I looked at another butterfly or horizon I would remember our moment in time when it was only him and I.  I knew I would be a better person all because this little butterfly flew by me one bright sunny day. 
© Barbara Ann Rogers

Looking, but certainly not touching!
We released butterflies at the Tears, Tributes and Transformations" bereavement service on Saturday. They lingered just a moment, but long enough to create amazement at their beauty.  It was a terribly sad service. Each family was allowed to light a candle and read their child's name and after that there was a slide show.  Beautiful faces that will always be remembered, but never again seen. I didn't want  Dex's face to float across the screen, but it did.... there he was, beautiful, smiling, full of life... creating a deep ache within. It was gut wrenching to be surrounded by the families of the other children's whose lives ended way to soon.... I wanted not to be there....I wanted to be sitting at our house, watching movies with my family, listening to the rain against the house... I wished I wasn't part of this group... I wished I could be the one looking on with sadness at someone else's pain. The reality is, however, that this life of mine is real.  My nightmares are true.  My child did die.  I am not able to be on the outside looking in...I have to accept what I have been given.  I have to deal with the loneliness, the constant ache, the hurt I feel... the families at the bereavement services have experienced pain that echoes mine... they have walked my walk and traveled this journey.  My grief is not unique to death's healing... it's only unique to me.  As we watched our butterfly fly away, I could understand the correlation between butterflies and death... I understood the analogy perfectly.  While I gazed to the heavens, with the rain falling softly I realized that like the butterfly, not everything was meant to be kept.... somethings... some people were meant for far better places than here.

No comments:

Post a Comment