Walking the long, rough path to healing for me often feels very lonely and like I'm a zombie. Death steals part of you, making you feel less than alive and nothing like 'living'. I have needed to feel alive lately. I have needed to remember what it is to live and to be part of the human race. I've have wanted to do something... anything to show Declan that I haven't given up. That I can still live and still find beauty in this life that is cruel and painful. After we ran the Walk to Remember in June, I have felt ready for something... ready to prove to the world, to Declan and to myself that I didn't die too. That I still live to tell HIS story and to ensure his short life is NOT forgotten.
What better way to scream "I'm ALIVE!" to the world than pushing your body to the limits of all it can handle.... trying to run in 95 degree heat, with your heart pounding out of your chest, with your lungs burning and your body aching... What more can I do for Declan than do what he can't.... it just feels right. Running for him. Running because he can't and because I feel that it helps me remember I'm alive.
The day, besides the heat, was awesome. The run was fun and the energy of the 20,000 other people running was so motivating.
I would rather have Declan here. I would rather not be trying to run 5ks. I would rather never have gone through the tragedy of losing our son, but am excited to run for him. I am excited to do something I have never done because he motivates me to do more.... more for myself and more for him. Life is worth celebrating.