Monday, April 9, 2012

Who You'd Be Today

When Declan passed away, it left a hole in our lives.  That is obvious. No one would be surprised to hear that.  The questions that have been haunting me are these: Where was Dex's place in this world?  What was his purpose?  How will the world know how amazing my son would have been?  Did Declan's death leave a hole in the world, not just our heart? I want to think it did.  I want to think that somewhere out there a little girls heart was heavy with 'something' on that valentines day because her future husband left this earth. I want to think there are little boys who would have been Declan's buddies aching just a little for the friend they will not have.  Of course, they would never know that someone they could have loved dearly isn't here anymore.  I want to think the impact he would have made on people would have been special.  I toy with the idea that maybe, just maybe Declan would have changed the world for the better and that the devil was so scared of his impact that he took his tiny life while had the chance... when Declan was young and helpless.  The unknown answers, the curiosity as to who he would have become is what dances across my mind and heart now. How can we know?  How can we guess? Like so many questions I have in my life... there are NO answers.  I imagine there will come a time when I stop questioning all together because I can't handle not having answers.  There is some silly country song called Who you'd be today that I have been listening to.... I actually really like it, even though country is not my music of choice.  I know there will forever be those questions "who would Dex be today"... what would he be doing right now?  What would he have named his  children?  What would he do for work?   Would he share in his mothers passion for education and for helping those who have no voices OR would he have his dad's intellect and passion for shaping and designing the earth around us?  Would he always have looked like his daddy or would he have started to take on some of my traits? I feel in my heart he would have been a funny little guy.... making us laugh and lifting our spirits when we were down.   Now all I have are those questions... and memories... now all I have is the knowledge that my son would have been someone, somebody in our world and I like to think that when any one of us leaves, we do leave a hole in this world.  I believe our world... this life of mine and yours, is better because Declan was a part of it!

Kenny Chesney ~ Who You'd Be Today

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