This month Declan will have been gone 7 months. It's really hard for me to accept that. It's hard, as I have mentioned a million times, to see time continue to slip by. It's hard for me to accept the fact that we will be coming up to his 1 year birthday in 2 1/2 months. It's hard for me to accept that he isn't here with us, walking and talking and eating food, getting into messes and just being present in our lives. It's hard for me to accept that. But day by day and even moment by moment, it is becoming a part of me. Seeping into my brain, slowly... allowing me to process it and for lack of a better word, accept it. Each day that goes by I try to figure out what being Declan's mommy means... how do I continue to parent him when he isn't physically a part of our lives? How do I make his life impactful? Part of refusing to sink for me is more than just getting up in the morning, but figuring out how to use his death in a way that changes others people's lives. It's more than getting back to normal (because trust me... we will never get back to the 'normal' we had before his death)... it's about making an impact on the way we think... it's about supporting others who have lost a child (or children)... it's about never letting ONE day go by that his name isn't mentioned in our household and how we can use his short life to change the world. My son died, but I REFUSE TO SINK!