Under my cloud, however, there are moments that are unexpected and so moving I don't know how to respond other than with a soft whispered 'thank you'. Here is what I received the other day, from one of the officers that responded to Declan's 911 call (I hope he doesn't mind my sharing!):
"As the 2-year anniversary of Declan’s passing approaches, I want you to know that I still think of him. As I have told you before, I have been to many heartbreaking calls in my career as a Police Officer, but Declan continues to stand out to me. Officer ***** and I both wear our “Declan bracelets” proudly in honor of his bravery and I know that I pull strength from it. I should tell you that our bracelets are showing extreme wear and I am hoping you have another one for us. I never take mine off as I find Declan a source of motivation for many things, including my job."
My heart swelled with such a mix of emotions while I was reading his email… pride in my son, hope in humanity, sadness at the reality of his death and an overwhelming urge to find this officer, hug him and again tell him how much his service means to us!! I actually haven't responded to his email yet. I have formulated multiple responses, but my words seem insignificant to how he made me feel! How do you say thank you to someone who fought so hard for your child's life?! Maybe it's not as complicated as I am making it. Maybe it's simply saying, "thank you" and hoping the look in our eyes can speak louder than our words!
As we begin this week… in attempts to 'pump' myself up for the emotional journey this week will prove to be, I am going to start by saying: I am thankful to be Declan's mom. I am thankful to have Nate by my side walking through this with me. I am thankful for GOD's ever present hand in my life. I am thankful for the mothers I have met along this journey who hold me up with words of encouragement when I want to give up. I am thankful for the life God gave me, even when it hurts like hell! I am thankful that I am who I am. AND lastly… go ahead and try Devil… you might break my heart at times but you will never break my spirit!