October is Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness month, I've also heard it referred to as SIDS awareness month... either way, I am 'participating' in this....not sure what that means and how I will choose to honor my sweet Boy.... I haven't gotten it all figured out, but I know I will be doing something.
As part of my journey, I have found great comfort in reading other mother's blogs. I am comforted by their words and oddly enough, their pain... it helps me to know, I am not alone. I know of mother's who have no desire to connect with other grieving families, but for me it has been instrumental in my process... I personally see child loss as such a lonely journey... people either don't know what to say to you or how to support you or are overwhelmed with their own emotions and they don't want to "upset" you more.... so finding other mothers who understand what it really is like, helps me. I enjoy reading a blog called Carly Marie, Project Heal. She lost her son, Christian in 2007. She has been sharing her journey with the world through many different projects and one of them is called "Capturing your Grief" and is a photographic challenge to promote healing and personal growth. So... long story short I will be doing this challenge this month. To read more about Christian's story and follow Carly Marie, here is her blog link: http://carlymarieprojectheal.com
Here is my first photo... the sunrise. It's a little blurry due to how far I had to zoom to really capture these beautiful deer, but the essence remains the same.... A mother deer, with her two babies... enjoying the beans in the field and being at peace with the world.
The interesting thing about this photo is that I stopped almost in the same place the day Declan died and took a picture of the sunrise. For many months after he had passed I lost my ability to see God's beauty in my every day life... my world was bleak and instead of seeing the dancing colors of our magnificent surroundings, I saw grays and muted, dull, lifeless colors... I remember wondering once if I would ever be in awe of nature again or if I was now sentenced to a life of sadness and boringness.
I have however, recaptured that joy... the joy in the nothingness that is God's splendorous creation.