I keep telling myself this... over and over and over. Like the Little Engine that Could.... "we will be ok, we will be ok, we will be ok!" I think its like a 'fake it til you make it' mentality.
There have been so many times that I find myself using the term 'lucky' associated with Nate and I. Yet, I certainly don't consider ourselves lucky. However, I have spoke to so many people and I continue to use the word 'lucky'. For example, were very lucky that our day care provider found Declan when she did. We were very lucky she didn't panic and was level headed enough to call 911 and get CPR started. We were lucky.
We were lucky because most babies that die of SIDS (although cause of death has not been confirmed by the medical examiner yet) die before their loved ones have a chance to hold them and kiss them and say their good-byes.
We were lucky because when I look through the photos on Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep's webpage, I realize we had three amazing months with Declan and most of those families had hours, minutes or only seconds with their babies. I imagine that any one of those families would have given anything to have their children for three months.
We were lucky because we had the BEST medical team in Minnesota working on Declan and helping my family cope with the situation.
We were lucky because their wasn't two feet of snow on the ground and the weather was relatively warm on the day of Declan's funeral.
We are lucky to have so many wonderful family and friends supporting us and praying for us.
We are lucky... lucky? John 14:18 says "I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you" Maybe we weren't lucky, but blessed....
Dear Holle,
ReplyDeleteWe have never meet a friend of mine shared with me your lose.
I am truly sorry for your lose of your beautiful baby boy Declan..
No words can truly take the pain away ypu and your family must be going through..
I started following your blog yesterday and was greatful you shared the signs that god is showing you. I have to believe that your son Declan is also howing signs from heaven that he is ok and is wrapped in gods arms until the day you are able to hold your sob again.
I believe that god has a plan for each and everyone of us. Although at times its hard to understand why he would take a child from there parents. I personally believe no parent should ever have to plan their child's funeral. It just doesnt seem right.
But as a believer in our god I know god is watching over your so.
I can't and won't tell you it will be ok and as time goes on you will heal. But what I will tell you as time goes on each day you will live for Declan you will rejoice in the memories you made together and you will find piece in your own ways..
I hope you and your family are able to find piece as time passes by. You have very beautiful children.. I just want you to know even though I have never meet you guys or meet Declan I continue to pray for your family and also for Declan.
God bless you all.
Missy Julius..