The gift of living...

Yesterday, we were in the car on the way to Noah's football practice.  We were discussing the upcoming arrival of our newest baby cousin, due this Thursday.  We do not know whether the baby is a girl or a boy so we were talking about what we all wanted... Co-co bean (Courty) would REALLY love it if the baby was a girl and Noah at first said he wanted it to be a boy... to which Courty replied "NO Noah, it's a girl."  Then Noah said, "I guess I don't care what it is as long as it doesn't die.   All that matters is that it lives." Talk about a heart stopper... children shouldn't have to think that way.  It should not be a part of their thought process to hope that babies don't die.  It again reminded me that Declan's death has impacted him (and Courty) forever.  This tragic event will not be something he forgets about as he gets older and 'moves on' but this will affect him for the rest of his life... just as it will Nate and myself.  I think because he often seems to be beyond the pain of losing Declan that he is not thinking about it or not living in sadness because of it. I struggle with remembering that this happened to all of us, not just me.  Even at Noah's young age of 7, Declan's death has started to change his perception on life and what is important.  I pray that as we continue down this path, the impact on his life, as well as Courty's, ends up creating positive changes in their outlook on life instead of negative ones.... I hope that as we continue to grieve as a family Nate and I provide good examples of sadness and hope... I wish for my kids that Declan's death's leaves them with an appreciation for the beauty of life and the wonders of our existence... I pray that as they travel their own journey they come to a point where they are not angry, not holding rage in their hearts, not questioning God as to 'why' this happened, but that they try to live a God-filled life with a servants heart....and that they never take for granted the gift of living...