I have been thinking a lot about death lately and asking the age old question of "why"... it's a maddening question. I truly believe you could drive yourself crazy focusing on that question. I have talked about this before, I know, but that is the thing with grief... it is a process that you go through where you find yourself back at places you thought you moved forward from. Now at this stage of my journey, the "why" question has some answers... some
truths that I have discovered along this passage of time... 1) God didn't do this
TO ME... I have not been forsaken. This did not happen because of something I did or Nate did. 2) Death was never a part of God's original plan... that pesky devil came into our lives and introduced SIN into our world and that is how death came to be. It was a great comfort on the day following Declan's death when my Pastor told us, "God didn't want this to happen. God is suffering with you." God doesn't want us to hurt... he doesn't find joy in our pain. 3) If I was told the reason why Declan died...
it wouldn't make it better and it wouldn't be a good enough reason for me! I am finally able to put some faith into the fact that God sees a bigger picture of the world than I do... and that maybe Dex's death will benefit the greater good in some capacity... but again, to me whatever that is will not be
worth his death. 4) Dwelling on the 'why' doesn't change anything... Declan is still gone. No amount of reflecting, thinking, focusing, dwelling, processing or anything will change what has been done. Our son is no longer living in
our world... he
lives in a better place and
one day I will be with him! AND FINALLY 5) Telling me that "Everything Happens for a Reason" does NOT make me feel better. It brings me back to wondering, "what is the reason" and ultimately back to the question of "WHY?"... A place I don't want to be at this point in my journey. What I have come to realize is that "everything happens"... it does. Just as surely as the sun
will set tonight... everything
does happen. What reason for anything to happen is a
mute point... the point is
it happened and what matters is how a person moves forward from whatever
it is.
Holle... thank you for this post. I've always looked to the quote "Everything happens for a reason" for comfort, for lack of a better word. And although on one hand it does make sense, your point about the "reasoning" being a mute one....makes total sense. Sometimes, we may not know the "reason"....or understand the "reason"...or, there really may not be one. You're right sometimes thigns just happen. And I especially appreciate your ending of "The point is IT happened, and what matters is how a person moves forward from whatever IT is". Thank you for your words. You're always so insightful. And like always, we think of you often and love you dearly. You're a strong brave woman Holle, and I look up to you for that!!! Enjoy this sunny cool weather, and happy late bday to lil Courty! - Jenna Baumgard
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenna! Hope you are doing well... are your getting excited for little B to make her way into your life?! Thinking about you and sending positive thoughts your way :)
DeleteHi Hollee! I agree with "everything happens" When I lost my best friend to cancer, everyone told me "everything happens for a reason" I wanted to scream at them WHAT IS THIS REASON!? It only puts more questions and ongoing thoughts in your head. Stay stong momma :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Meggan! I am sorry you lost a friend to cancer... that stinks. :(
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