Lessons learned

You never know how strong you are
until you have no other choice.

Today we found out that one of Nate's coworkers son passed away.  He was 14 (maybe 15) years old.  There really is no way to explain how it feels to hear the news that someone else's child has died.  There is an overwhelming urge to go to them.  To hold them.  To cry with them.... but we both remember so very vividly what those first few days were like... they were precious, which may seem strange to use that word to describe the darkest days life can throw at you, but the precious thing about those days is that there is no expectations for you.  You could be in complete meltdown mode and that would be ok. Reality doesn't have to return during those first few days.  Time stands still, you are expected to be in deep grieving mode. You have no options except to draw close to those around you and lean on others to hold you up... but the 'other people' who hold you up are your close friends and family.  There will come a time for Nate and I to go to this couple and hold them, but today they need prayers and family support.  They need forgiveness for being moody, they need understanding for being 'out of it' and they need to be told to grieve however they want.  There is no "normal" grieving...there are no "normal" timelines....  I think Nate and I have developed a new perspective on life... on what is really important and we are working hard to make sure our lives reflect those lessons.... Love others... Support those who are hurting... Be accessible... Pray for healing for yourself and others...Fight for a cause... stand up for what is right... don't sweat the small things... above all, lift your eyes to the Maker and trust in Him.  I don't know what I will say to this mother when I meet her, but I trust God will give me words to say that will help and not hinder.   One truth in life... Children should NOT die before their parents...it's unnatural and devastatingly hard to recover.  Tonight I pray for those of us who have lived through the loss of a child...I pray for strength, courage and healing.

To top off the already emotional day, I also found out that Declan's headstone has arrived and I have so much anxiety about seeing it...I know it will be awesome. I know it will add a finality to Declan's death. I know it will be the last big decision we have to make for our son.  I had to resist the urge to drive down to the cemetery to see it after work today. I am excited to see it (probably sounds strange to use that word to describe seeing Declan's headstone, but it's true) I am anxious to run my hands over the words and his photo.  I think its going to be breath taking.