Getting back to normal...

The last kiss Courty gave her little brother.

I was asked by a well meaning acquaintance today if things in my life were getting back to normal.  It is a valid question I suppose.  She meant nothing by it other than to be supportive and kind... but it is a hard question to get asked.  Not because it offends or hurts me, but because how do I explain to someone that I am not back to normal and that I don't anticipate ever being back to 'normal' actually.  Life is not as it once was.  My world has been turned upside down and I am left to figure out how to live in this life of my mine.  I am left wondering how to focus on work instead of letting my thoughts drift to my son.  I am left trying to figure out how to go about being a mom and a wife after losing something I love(d) so intensely. I am left wondering how to incorporate Declan into my life, while allowing myself to move on...and really how do you move on from that?  How does your heart ever recover? What is the next step in healing? Its been 14 weeks today.  There are times when I feel good... my heart isn't aching as much or I can make it the whole day without crying.  There are other days when I want nothing more than to have a baby again...there is the desire to hold a child of my own in my arms again... to smell that 'baby' smell we all love so much.  Then I realize I don't just want a baby.... I want my baby...back.  Then I have days when I can think of nothing else... nothing else!! Random thought after random thought of Declan streaming through my head and heart.  I would say I haven't had a "normal" day yet.... but who cares? I don't. Is that normal? Normal is as normal does I like to say (I believe Forrest Gump said that).  So for the question.... "are you getting back to normal?"  I don't think so....