Happiness is...

February has been a terrible month... it's the shortest month of the year, that felt like the longest month in history!  I swear I have been waiting for this wretched month to end since it began... and here we are, just mere days away from it being done and I can't wait!  I am looking forward to March and to Noah's birthday... but I am not going to lie, last March proved to be very hard for me.  It was tough because very, very slowly Declan's death was sinking in.  I was starting to realize what his death really meant for us (for those of you that have never had a child die, that statement probably sounds crazy, but for those who have I know you know exactly what I mean by that!!).  The fog of February was lifted and the heartache of settling into our 'new normal' was upon us.  I remember Noah's birthday (March 17th) and how incredibly hard that was for me to do... to celebrate life when my heart was broken by death was very difficult.  I remember sitting in the rocking chair later in the afternoon that day, holding Declan's blanket and crying my eyes out... feeling destroyed by the fact that I would never have my sweet Dex here to celebrate his birthday and feeling guilty for even having a party, but knowing Noah NEEDED to have one!  It was a such a tough month... and I am looking forward to it this year.  Looking forward to the warmer weather, looking forward to Noah's birthday and Easter.  I am excited... but I have some anxiety about it... remembering the suffering and pain from last year.... remembering where I was emotionally and where my heart was at.  I'm hoping the aftermath of the awful month of February doesn't linger and haunt me... so, in true Holle fashion I am making a challenge for myself... a "Happiness is..." challenge! Meaning for each day in March, I am going to find at least ONE thing that means 'happiness' to me and snap a photo of it. Thirty one days in March, 31photos of happiness to remind me how BLESSED I am despite our loss... to remind myself that I have NOT been forsaken.... to remind me that I could easily feel sorry for myself, but there many things to be thankful for and that make me happy! I just have to try and see through the clouds that sometimes blur my vision to all the wonderful things I am blessed with....

Are you up to the challenge? :)