Life's precious gifts

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard"

Took a quick break from reality this weekend.  Soaked up some sun, drank a few beers, and laughed till it hurt.  It was easy to reflect on life with the gentle breeze on my back and the water tickling my toes...watching my oldest fish from the dock, gaining the life long skill of patience and my sweet Courty splashing around in the water till her lips were blue, gaining the skill of persistence (or stubbornness) while refusing to come out of the water to warm up.  I am thankful for these moments.  I am thankful for the family who loves me, calls me mom and sweetheart, and allows me to be silly.  I am thankful for the ability to have multiple shoulders to cry on and with.  I am thankful for little hugs and kisses.  I am thankful for waking up to a flower caressing my face, with a sweet little girl telling me she picked it for Declan.  I am touched and moved when my Courty tells me she "loves her Declan" and proceeds to give his photo on his head stone a kiss.... I am beyond lucky to have something so wonderfully special in my life.... and I know this wonderfulness, these precious little gifts are what makes losing my baby so hard.  If this life wasn't something special, wasn't worth fighting for then saying Good Bye to Declan would have been easy.... but as it is, I know what we had and I know what we are missing.  I know how much we love him, I know how wonderful he was/is... I know my pain and my suffering are because of that immense love and I am thankful for that.